My GodParent Sasuke
by Tomatio
Summary: A day gone wrong can lead to many freaky accidents. Talking turtles just happen to take the cake. Hinata Hyuuga meet your very own fairy god-parent, Sasuke Uchiha. SasuHina?
1. Pimp Walking, Talking Turtles

**A/N: **How did this come about you ask? Answer's in ma profile. Kukuku... this is purely for entertainment purposes. It's meant to be funny, although I'll try my best to keep Sasuke in-character as best as possible. This is suppose to be based around Fairly Odd Parents, but there aren't really any references besides the whole wishing phenomena. ^^' (Thinking about changing that summary...)

**Summary:** A day gone wrong can lead to many freaky accidents. Talking turtles just happen to take the cake Hinata Hyuuga meet your very own fairy god-parent, Sasuke Uchiha.

**Disclaimer:** I fail to see why we even have to put one if the owner knows who owns Naruto. Jeez. (Sadly, I don't own him...or the show!) _Only saying it once! _Neither do I own (or want to for that matter) Fairly Odd Parents.

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><p>Hinata Hyuuga was like a bull on a rampage, except she was a much, much smaller bull. Like a mule or something. Maybe even a pony. Unicorn?<p>

Fail to see how those animals are even related. We'll just go with a calf.

Today had not been a particularly good day, at least not on Hinata's part. It was a Friday, a day that's suppose to be the end of a teenager's worries, a day that led to the most greatest of days in the week, the cornerstone of weekend's bloom. Sadly, the poor Hyuuga heiress had started her day off on the wrong foot. Literally. And now, standing or shall we say _floating_ in front of her seemed to be the cherry on top of the world's largest banana split.

...

Circumstance #1:

It all started when the sun decided to pour unfathomable amounts of rays into her eyes through the half-opened curtains that she could've sworn she closed last night. Its unyielding beams only seemed to brighten when Hinata decided to turn over, thus ruining her will to go back to sleep. What would 15 minutes have done? It's not like she's ever late to school.

With a yawn and a stretch, Hinata pulled her blankets from over her lithe body, revealing a pair of lemony yellow pajamas with cupcakes plastered all over them and, surprisingly, a snug turquoise camisole. With the grace of a princess, Hinata swung her legs over her bed, not at all realizing that there was an over-stuffed backpack sitting soundly by her pink bunny slippers.

Half-asleep, Hinata took one step from her bed and fell with a _thud _that could honestly put all noise to rest in a matter of milliseconds. Indigo hair pooled messily around her porcelain skin, her nose pressed firmly against the carpeted floor. That marked the beginning of a day gone horribly wrong.

After tumbling around in her bedroom and throwing on an over-sized white t-shirt, Hinata had found herself being ridiculously clumsy. Of course, she was an average klutz, but that particular morning, she found herself being even more of a klutz when she tripped down the stairs after noticing that she'd be late for school (for once in her pathetic life). It didn't help that her little sister, who just happened to walk by upon her rendezvous with the tallest staircase in the universe, didn't help her off the floor.

"Morning _nee-san_," Hanabi said, giving the pale girl a once-over before stepping _over_ her, instead of helping her _up_ like a normal, nice younger sister would do. Being the nice older sister that she was, she merely picked herself up off the floor with a soft grunt of pain, rubbing an aching spot on her ankle, and tossed the younger version of her father a smile.

"Good morning Hanabi-_chan_," she greeted happily, albeit painfully before limping towards the kitchen.

Upon entering the kitchen (with a limp, of course), she came upon the normal sight of her father, Hiashi Hyuuga, and cousin, Neji Hyuuga, sitting at the table, one with a newspaper covering his face and the other with a bowl of cereal with a glass of orange juice on the side. Hinata honestly never saw the point in having orange juice with cereal, seeing as how the milk was practically a beverage.

Neji would always slurp (quietly of course, wouldn't want to risk irking Hiashi's nerves so early in the morning) down his milk before washing it down with a glass of cold orange juice, with pulp (heavens let's not forget the pulp), followed by a bottle of water. Hinata slowly, but surely, trying desperately not to make her limp seem so noticeable, walked towards the refrigerator and grabbed a half-empty carton of milk and her favorite cereal, Shuriken Flakes, from the pantry.

"Good morning father, Neji-_nii-san_," Hinata greeted upon placing the items on the table. The older man at the table gave her a gruff 'good morning', while the youngest of the men gave her a curt nod after swallowing down his orange juice in one gulp. Forgetting to grab a bowl from the cabinet, Hinata turned around to grab it, limping as she did so, earning herself the unwanted attention of both her father and cousin.

"What happened to your leg?" Neji asked in his monotone voice, Hiashi's white orbs narrowed into a deep gaze as he watched his daughter lean on her right leg. If Hinata were anyone else, she'd glare at her cousin, but seeing as how she was sweet and innocent, she merely turned and tossed him a smile, opting to do the next best thing. Something she was a beast at.

"W-well," she started, practically hopping back towards the table as she poured her cereal and milk into her bowl, her opalescent eyes staring at the contents of her bowl, "t-there's this new w-walk at school c-called t-the P-Pimp Walk."

Hiashi stared. Neji stared.

Hiashi blinked. Neji stared some more.

Hiashi closed his eyes. Neji stared some more.

Hiashi released a sigh. Neji kept staring.

"Pimp Walk?" Hiashi asked, his eyes still closed as his eyebrows knotted, betraying an unidentified emotion. To say that Hinata was nervous was an understatement, what with the way Neji's milky white eyes practically burned a hole into her face as he continued to stare at her. Okay, so maybe that wasn't the best of lies, but could she honestly tell her father and cousin that she tripped over a booksack (that wasn't hers by the way) and down the stairs?

No, she couldn't.

It was safe to say that by the time it was ready for her to go to school, Hiashi had already dropped the subject, but not before pointing out that she shouldn't do something so degrading, even if it was popular. And Neji...let's just say, he stared at her for the rest of the day (he wanted to do it too...).

...

Circumstance #2:

School had turned out to be more than what Hinata had ever asked for. It was normal for her to be ignored by pretty much the majority of the junior class, what with her shy demeanor and horrid speech impediment. Of course, she had her own little roundabout of friends, two of which were her very best friends. But today, something had seemed a bit off. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she was limping. Down the hall. In front of _e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e._

"Yo, Hinata," called one of her friends, Kiba Inuzuka, his fur-coated hood bulkier than usual as his puppy popped from underneath, "what's with the Pimp Walk? You do know that that was over years before we were born, right?"

And thus began an onslaught of questions from the student body, most of which she didn't know.

"Hey, Hinata-_chan_!" bellowed one of her close girls friends, Ino Yamanaka, who, along with her other girl friend, Sakura Haruno, tossed her confused looks as they watched her wobble cease.

"Why are you doing the Pimp Walk? Did Naruto put you up to this, 'cuz if he did, I swear-" Sakura said, her alabaster hands already knotted into fists as she recalled the last incident their blonde-haired friend embarrassed Hinata.

Said girl blushed a pretty pink as she gave the two girls a sheepish smile, "N-no, Sakura-_chan_, Ino-_chan_. I actually tri-"

"Hinata!" came an all-too-familiar raspy voice that she came to know and love. The girls turned their heads down the hall as a bouncing blond bounded in their direction, his spiky locks swaying with the wind, his normally cheerful cerulean eyes wide with excitement as he stopped in front of them, his sun-kissed hands rested on his knees as he attempted to catch his breath.

He tossed them a smile, "Ino, Sakura-_chan_. Hey, Hinata!" he all but screamed, causing them to be the center of attention as every student stopped dead in their tracks to watch. "I heard you're trying to bring the Pimp Walk back! Can I do it too!" All previous thoughts on her crush halted as the hall practically filled with laughter from the student body.

This earned her the attention of not only the upperclassmen, but the faculty and staff as well. Some guy named Hidan actually had the audacity to confront her about it.

"Who the hell do you think you are tryna' bring back some whack ass 60s walk! You son of a whore!"

Her favorite teacher, Kurenai Yuuhi, who taught art appreciation, asked her about it.

"Are you okay, Hinata? Was it Naruto again?"

Even the principal, Tsunade, asked her about it.

"Was it Naruto who brought this up? I swear, the nerve of that child."

It was safe to say that Naruto suffered a concussion that very same day by none other than his pink-haired crush, Sakura Haruno. Everyone mimicked Hinata's limp or in this case, the 'Pimp Walk', thus bringing it back 'in'. Hidan, some foul-mouthed upperclassmen, whom she didn't even _know_, begrudgingly did it, convincing his gang, Akatsuki, especially some guy named Tobi, who was classified as 'Konoha's Walking Orange' made it even more popular by developing it into a dance.

The teachers merely shook their heads at it, blaming Naruto Uzumaki for everything that's happened. And the principal actually had the nerve to plaster it in the school's newspaper.

All because Hinata Hyuuga tripped down the stairs. And let's not forget the booksack in her bedroom.

...

After returning home from school or in Hinata's case, hell on earth, Hinata had been confronted by yet another person. Her beloved little sister.

"What happened to you?" she asked in that know-it-all voice of hers, not that Hinata cared to acknowledge. Her day did not go as planned. She could honestly say it was the worst day of her life, far worse than when Naruto, her crush of 15 years and counting, told her that he developed a dance called the Rasengan, where she had to spin in a circle for five minutes, then do some foreign dance called the 'Stanky Leg'.

Hinata gave her sister a glance before sending her a weak smile, slamming the front door shut (more like gently closed it with a soft sigh) and stomped up stairs (she just added a little pep to her step), her lim- Pimp Walk still intact.

Hinata Hyuuga was like a bull on a rampage, except she was a much, much smaller bull. Like a mule or something. Maybe even a pony. Unicorn?

Fail to see how those animals are even related. We'll just go with a calf.

Before she could even manage to plop on her bed and scream her heart out she was greeted by an unfamiliar, deep and annoyed voice, "Finally."

Looking around her room, Hinata didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. Lavender walls; lime green carpet; pink, sky blue, orange bedsheets, curtains; brown dresser... Nothing was different. Hinata merely closed her amethyst orbs, figuring that she was only hallucinating, but then she caught sight of something she had never seen before.

A fish tank. And in it, a blue and white turtle (must've been some rare species or something). She opted to ignore it, allowing her drowsiness to get the best of her, but that was impossible once she took note that it was staring directly at _her_. And was that an annoyed look on its face? Taking a closer look, Hinata walked towards the unfamiliar fishtank, her pearl eyes narrowed in suspicion.

Perhaps it was some early birthday present from her father, or a prank from Hanabi. _'Couldn't be'_, she thought as she scrutinized the bazaar-looking turtle. Her father never allowed them to have pets due to him having an 'allergic reaction' to a dead cat. What did he expect? He ran it over like five times trying to back out of the drive way. Vomiting is common when seeing dead...well, anything, especially when blood and guts are everywhere.

Upon closer inspection of the weird blue and white turtle...and wait. Was that hair? Blue hair?

"What the hell are you looking at?" it asked, its obsdian eyes narrowed in aggravation. "Haven't you seen a turtle before?"

It. Did. Not. Just. Talk! With wide fearful eyes, Hinata let out a loud squeak, backing up towards her bed, only to trip over that damn booksack sitting near the legs of her bed, thus rendering herself unconcious as she flipped on the other side.

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><p><strong>AN:** Gosh that took a long time to write! I wasn't planning on putting this in story format...but alas my story-writing mind got the better of me and this is what happened! Was it funny? Yes, no, maybe? Sasuke, a talking turtle! Hinata with her Pimp Walk! Hiashi, allergic to dead cats! :D Leave your thoughts in a review.

I accept requests on wishes since this _is _suppose to be like the Fairly Odd Parents. No matter how bazaar it is, I accept with restrictions. Guidelines are in my profile. :] (I think I nailed all of the spelling errors.)

~Tomatio


	2. My GodParent Sasuke Uchiha

**A/N:** Lack of response doesn't have me down in the dumps. Hardy, har, har. I thank you guys for those reviews! Sorry if things seem a little jumbled in the first chapter or in any chapter for that matter. I have way to many thoughts going on in my head at once. Plus I could totally get in trouble for writing stories at work! (Desk jobs. What are you gonna do?)

As far as requests goes, here's the format: I wish...  
>Example: I wish my hair wasn't so thick.<p>

Enjoy!

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><p>Hinata was many things. Sweet, innocent, shy, naive, gullible, scatterbrain, etc. The one thing she never thought she was, however, was crazy. A complete lunatic. A psychopath. She had absolutely no reason to be whatsoever. Sure, her shy nature came from the fact that she was barely raised around anyone besides her little sister and cousin. Her sweetness comes from her mother, whom pretty much embedded everything in her as a child. Innocence was a given, as was her naivete and gullible-ness.<p>

Her father never allowed her to do anything, so she was able to retain those key personality traits and she was naturally curious. Being a scatterbrain...try going to high school. That place will mess a person up.

Now to the matter at hand. She had no particular reason why she should be labeled crazy. Her family on the other hand was a different story. They each had their very own unique qualities or quirks that made them stand out from the rest. Of course, they were the only ones with their extremely freaky eye color, so that didn't count. Hiashi was worthy of a prize for being the craziest however.

Hiashi was allergic to dead animals, particularly, ones he ran over in his car. He hated animals with an unyielding passion all because of the dead cat he ran over five times trying to back up out of the drive way. If the cat's ear-piercing shriek wasn't enough, then maybe the fact that his car bounced up and down every time he backed up and pulled up was. The old man deduced he was allergic after he puked from seeing cat guts on the wheels. Insane much? Yes, Hinata would definitely say so (she ended up having to wash the car that day too).

He was even - or so he says - allergic to the male species, which was completely idiotic and downright crazy! His logic behind such a thing? Males were primates or in scientific terms, homo-sapiens which meant they were animals, which meant he was allergic to them. That could only mean he was allergic to himself. Maybe that explained why he took pills every hour on the hour...

Thinking back on all those years ago when Hiashi had told her that animals were forbidden, Hinata knew why. It had nothing to do with the fact that she had to wash his car every time he ran something over. It had absolutely _everything_ to do with the fact that there was a freaking talking foul-mouthed turtle in a fish tank! In her room! With hair! And not just any hair either! Blue hair!

Pimp Walking at school can cause a lot of trouble, she realized...

"Oi! Wake up!"

Hinata blinked back the pain from her fall, ignoring that same annoyed voice from earlier. She passed it off as a hallucination, deducing that it was from the traumatic experience of tripping, not once, not twice, but thrice times in one day. Her blatant lie about Pimp Walking and bringing that dreaded limp back 'in' made her head hurt just thinking about it. How people failed to realize her obvious lie, she'd never know.

A _thump _on her chest interrupted her from her thoughts, "I said wake up dammit!" She countered the loud yelling with a painful groan as her head swayed left and right as a means to block out the pain from flipping over her bed. A nudge to her face caused all previous thoughts to fly out of the window as opalescent eyes connected with a pair of black beady little eyes.

"Jeez, are you insane or something?" With wide fearful eyes, Hinata let out a high-pitched squeal as her alabaster hands flailed helplessly by her side. It wasn't a hallucination! A blue and white turtle with a frown was really talking to her! And did it really just curse her out! With another high-pitched scream, Hinata grabbed the bazaar shell-covered creature and did the first thing she could think of.

She slung it full force towards the wall, where it sounded off with a loud crash.

As if she just ran a marathon, Hinata panted loudly, scrambling into a corner before she curled into herself, rocking back and forth with wide orbs.

"There's no such thing as talking blue and white turtles with blue hair," she chanted softly to herself, her amethyst eyes closed shut, basking in the image of the cursing animal that just hit her in the chest. A groan interrupted her from her mantra, her pale eyes darting in the direction that she threw the turtle. A shadow peeked from behind her bed leg, slow-moving blue and white feet marching from around the corner.

"What hell was that for!" it barked, its beady little eyes narrowed into dangerous slits as it continued to march at snail's pace towards her. As if the wall would swallow her whole, Hinata continued to back up into it, grabbing the nearest thing within her reach. A large platform heel.

"Y-y-y-you! T-t-turtles! T-t-talk!" she stuttered horribly, the high heel in her hand clutched to her beating heart. The turtle halted mid-step, his black eyes still narrowed in annoyance.

"Your point?" it growled in a very distinct male voice. "Was that any reason to throw me against the damn wall! My shell is sensitive you know!" it barked as if what it were saying was the most obvious thing in the world. Slowly, it placed its hands on it's hind-legs before standing up, its long blue neck outstretched as it placed its hands on its hi- shell. "And that God-awful stutter. Are you really who they assigned me to?"

If Hinata were to say she was scared that would've been the greatest understatement on the face of the planet. She was terrified times ten! It was over 9000! Her eyes were as wide as dinner plates, almost as if they were ready to burst from their sockets. Her mouth was agape, barely touching her knees.

The foul-mouthed turtle, scratch that. The foul-mouthed, _talking_ turtle began to march towards her with its han- nubs raised to its side, its face twisted into a scowl.

"Are you Hinata Hyuuga?" it asked impatiently, as it crossed its arms over its chest. She didn't know whether to nod or stay silent so she did the next best thing.

She raised the heel high above her head, preparing herself to slam the shoe on the turtle with all of her might and just as she was bringing it down, the turtle caught the shoe between its hands or nubs or whatever the hell turtles have for hands, and snatched it from her. If anyone were to walk in the room at that very second, they'd probably faint. Not only did Hinata get cursed out by a talking turtle with freaking blue hair, but she was pretty much in her room, fighting a blue and white talking turtle with blue hair! She closed her eyes in fear of it attacking her.

And did it? Oh, yes, it did and boy did she scream for a third time when the heel collided with her ankle. The one she lim-, did the Pimp Walk on.

"Will you stop all of that damn screaming and listen for a minute!" it yelled before throwing the clunky shoe out of Hinata's reach.

"I can't help it! You're a _talking_ turtle!" she countered, her pale eyes closed in fear. "I take back every joke I ever said about_ tou-san _and dead animals!"

"What?" it demanded, looking down to its blue and white shell with aggravation. "Tch."

With a brief glance to the bedroom door, the turtle sighed before pulling out a stick with a fan on top of it and waved it, barricading the door with a dresser. Hinata stared and before she could erupt in another bout of screaming, the turtle waved the stick with the fan on top of it towards her and promptly zipped her lip shut, literally. She could only stare in fright as the turtle closed its beady little black eyes before a gust of wind erupted from the room.

How it did that she would never know. The window was freaking closed and the air conditioner was shut off! With wide eyes, Hinata watched as the blue and white turtle grew taller in size, its unique color warping into flawless pale skin, its beady little eyes retaining their color as they narrowed into dangerous slits of aggravation. Its blue hair fluttered in the wind as it took on a raven-form hairstyle. And the blue and white shell transformed into a blue high-collar shirt with white shorts.

On top of its head popped a golden crown and behind its back sprouted a pair of fairy wings. She couldn't say anything (well of course she couldn't! It or shall she say _he_ literally zipped her lip shut!) as the beautiful turtle-turned-male placed its hands on its hips.

"My name is Sasuke Uchiha and unfortunately," he said, his stick with the fan on top of it pointed directly at her shaky form, "I'm your fairy god-parent, but I _refuse_ to be known as a fairy so I'm _just_ your god-parent. Now I'm going to say this one time and one time only so pay attention."

Hinata's vision started to blur as he began to talk, her eyes rolling to the back of her head. It wasn't like she could scream in the first place and the fact that she screamed earlier like ten times and Hanabi not hearing it was like a kick to the knee. Before she could black out like she wanted, Sasuke tapped her in the head with his stick with the fan on top of it, rendering her eyes as wide as saucers before they could close.

"I'm talking to you. Now, if you'd just stay up and stop acting like an idiot, I can explain everything to you," he said, crossing his arms in annoyance, turning his back towards her, revealing a pair of extremely small wings, ones that looked as if they belonged to a mosquito. In order to avoid going ballistic, Hinata breathed slowly through her nose, her hands falling to her sides after prodding on the actual zipper that adorned her mouth (it would not open at all!).

He pinched the bridge of his nose before he turned back towards her. He tapped the stick with the fan on top of it in his hands for a second, a clipboard popping (literally) in his hands. Hinata couldn't do anything but watch, because not only did he shut her up completely, but she could not, for the love of God, faint! What in the world did he do to her with that...that...stick! Did he cast some sort of spell on her or something! And he was a turtle just a few minutes ago! And now some...some gorgeous teenager stood in her room with a magic stick! With wings! It was too much for her to handle.

Sasuke spoke, snapping her out of her reverie, "You will shake your head 'yes' or 'no' when I ask you question, got it?" He looked at her, his eyes narrowed into dangerous slits as she fervently shook her head up and down after he glared at her.

With a smirk, Sasuke continued, "Are you Hinata Hyuuga?" She nodded her head 'yes', blinking owlishly at him.

"Was today the most embarrassing, most humiliating, most dreadful day of your life?" She nodded her head 'yes' again and he smirked. Somehow she got the feeling that that question had nothing to do with what was in store for her.

"You must be pretty miserable then," Sasuke said casting her a look before he read from the clipboard, "Says here that you're the most miserable person in this town. Your dad makes you wash his car whenever he runs over a so-called animal?" He stopped for a moment, recalling what Hinata had said about dead animals. She nodded her head in defeat, her eyebrows knotted into a grimace. _'Probably reminiscing in scrubbing cat guts off the wheels,'_ he mused. Getting bored with the list he was reading, Sasuke threw it into the air where it popped out of existence.

Hinata stared wide-eyed at him as he spoke once more, "See this?" he asked, holding out the stick with the fan on top of it. She nodded quickly. "It isn't a wand. It's a stick with a fan on top of it. These flying devices you see on my back, aren't wings. Their propellers. I refuse to be referred to as a damn fairy so if you so much as call me one, I will make you even more miserable than you already are, understand?" he asked, leaning dangerously close to her shaking form. Hinata could only nod. Damn him for casting a spell on her that made it where she couldn't faint. Or talk.

"I was assigned to you to grant wishes. No, I'm not a genie. Genies are morons because they can only cast three wishes. I, on the other hand, can cast an unlimited amount of wishes. Unfortunately, I can't refuse anything you ask for, but there are restrictions. I would explain them, but that would be wasting my time and yours so I'll just embed the Book of Rules into your head," he said, pointing his stick with the fan on top it towards her head.

With a _pop_, an extremely large red and white book hovered over her head, on it, 'Book of Rules' in large white letters. Hinata stared above her head before closing her eyes in fear of the overweight megaton book squashing her head. The last thing she needed was to see the book colliding into her head after all that happened today. With a wave of the stick, the book magically popped out of existence.

"Now that that's out of the way, let's get your stupid wishing out of the way," he said, waving the wand in her direction once more, the zipper that adorned her mouth earlier, popping out of existence. Hinata's pale shaking hands immediately shot up to feel her mouth and she breathed a sigh of relief that it was gone. For a long time, she merely stared at him, her fainting spell never wearing thin, because right that instant, she desperately wanted to pass out.

"S-so, you grant any wish?" she asked, breaking the silence.

"Didn't I just say that?" he countered with a frown. Hinata flinched, albeit subtly, before her pale gaze fell to the overstuffed backpack that sat on the other side of her bed. He followed her gaze and smirked. "Aren't you going to see who it's for before you wish it away? It's probably yours anyway." She didn't move an inch from the corner, her knees still guarding her chest as Sasuke knelt down and opened the sack.

"There's rocks in here," he said, tossing her a confused look and before he could say anything else she spoke, clearly.

"I wish that backpack was destroyed." Sasuke smirked and with a wave of the stick with the fan on top of it, the backpack was rendered a pile of dust, rocks and all. Thus marked the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

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><p><strong>AN:** This wasn't _as_ funny as the first chapter, but don't worry. There's plenty of fun in the future. I got my first wish request! Keep them coming. Depending on how many I get, I'll probably include more wishes in more than one chapter at a time. Reviews are appreciated! :]


	3. Rainbow Brite and Pencils

**A/N:** Thirteen reviews is a lot when this is your first story. x) I'm positively delighted that so many of you have taken a liking to this unorthodox crack. I've told a lot of you that Sasuke will be facing a predicament in this chapter and that he will. Sorry if it took so~ long to update. I'm a bit lazy when it comes down to writing sometimes and that desk job I was telling you guys about is taking its toll on little ole me. ^^' I'm trying not to make my chapters exceed 3000 words. It's not that I don't like long chapters, it's just I don't want to keep you waiting. And the shorter they are, the easier they are to write.

Enough dawdling. :3 Read til your heart's content!

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><p>Hinata was completely devoid of emotion once she had woke up (thankfully she wouldn't trip over that God-forsaken backpack anymore). With unemotional opal eyes, Hinata surveyed her room, making sure that everything was in order. She still couldn't believe what had happened yesterday. To further prove that she wasn't insane (for the gazillionth time in the span of two days), her gaze fell on the God-awful fish tank that sat innocently on top of her desk, inside of it a cranky blue and white turtle with freaking blue hair. Luckily Sasuke's (she still couldn't believe <em>it<em> was actually a _he_) eyes were closed or she'd freak out from its cold intensity. Why, oh, why did he choose her, of all people, to haunt?

Was it because she still, 'til this day' made fun of her father for his fear of dead animals? Was it because she made fun of Neji (inwardly, of course) for his unfathomable amounts of haircare products that he refused to share? Or was it because she made fun of Hanabi for being a closet otaku, who took pride in sneaking off in the middle of the night dressed as Sailor Mini Moon? Hinata honestly didn't know and absolutely did not want to waste any of her precious time thinking about it either. Sasuke had made it perfectly clear last night that he didn't want to be her god-parent. He was stuck with her because she was "a miserable sack of flesh".

Could her situation get any worse? Evidently, yes. Yes, it could.

After the entire fiasco with a swollen ankle from tripping three times in a day (not to mention that dreaded high-heel incident) _and_ Pimp Walking at school, she hadn't gotten any sleep. The large black rings around her eyes and unbearable bed-head was proof of that. Sasuke kept her up _all_ night. She thought he was suppose to reduce her miserable life, not make it worse. He just went on and on and on, reading off of that horrible list he kept popping in and out of existence with that _wand_ (because that's what is was regardless of what that...that...turtle-human-fairy creature called it) about how many incidents she suffered.

Didn't he know she was suppose to get up for school in the morning? Either that or he just didn't give a flying fa-doodle.

With a heavy sigh, Hinata, dressed in her blue cotton pajamas with clouds-like marshmallows on them and Rainbow Brite t-shirt (Hanabi insisted that she have it), sat up in her bed, trying her best to stay as quiet as possible in fear of waking her grumpy new 'pet' (seriously, did turtles even have ears?) as she tossed the covers over her body, stood from her bed and headed for the bathroom, where she took care of all of her necessities (i.e., brushing her hair, combing her teeth, washing her face a thousand times in order to rid herself of the image of a crazed high-heel-wielding turtle).

Upon exiting the bathroom, she was greeted with unsightly sight of Sasuke, floating over his fish tank, his legs crossed Indian-style as he stared with those piercing black orbs of his in her direction. Before Hinata could voice her concern, he cut her off.

"Any particular reason why you're up so early in the morning? Do you have any idea how loud your covers are and just what the hell do you have on?" he asked, annoyance laced in his tone. Jeez, did he wake up on the wrong side of the sea-castle or what?

"Pajamas?" she answered in an unsure voice as she slowly made her way over to her closet where her school uniform hung, wrinkled from her bout in the corner yesterday. Obviously that wasn't what he wanted to hear and he grunted in reply before commenting rather rudely.

"Smart ass. I'm talking about that shirt you have on."

"O-oh," she said, flinching at his choice of words. She'd never get used to the fact that he cursed so much or that he was really her god-parent or that he could grant wishes and darn near anything else dealing with him. She couldn't even believe he was real! Fairies don't exist! Hinata looked down at the happy-go-lucky cherubic female characters that decorated her shirt. "M-my sister gave it to me. Do you want one?"

He gave her a disbelieving look, "Do I look like I want one? I want you to burn it."

Hinata gasped in response to his blatant insult. He probably really did want her to burn, but she wouldn't dare give him the satisfaction. Hell, he had the privilege of cursing her out, hitting her with a high-heel (she'd hold that over his head for the rest of her life), and it was only a matter of time before Hiashi found out she was even _keeping_ him. He'd better be grateful she didn't rat him out last night, or he'd wind up splattered all over the sidewalk.

"I-I can't do that," she squeaked, clutching the Rainbow Brite shirt in her pale hands. "H-Hanabi-_nee-chan_ gave this to me and...and I won't let you burn it!"

"Would you rather me wish it away?" he asked, his arms crossed as his feet touched the floor, his black eyes narrowed in her direction. This only caused her to back up against the wall. That was until she realized he had to grant her any wish she wanted, as long as it was in accordance to the rules.

"M-maybe i-if you had one, y-you'd see why I love it so much," she said softly, dismissing his underlining insult as she went back towards the closet to grab her school uniform. She must've missed the dark aura that radiated off of his very being, because the look he was giving her at that very moment would kill her ten times over. Or maybe it was because she had her back to him. Would he really get super upset over a t-shirt? It was actually quite comfortable, despite the hideous chibi females that were plastered all over it. At least Hinata didn't suggest he wear a Sailor Moon shirt. That would've hurt his male-fairy-godparent-turtle ego more than the Rainbow Brite one.

"You wouldn't dare," he challenged, his onyx eyes narrowed into dangerous slits. Hinata didn't bother looking at him, making her way towards the bathroom to change into her uniform. Things would've been a whole lot easier if he didn't wake up cursing her out and she'd (again) never forgive him for yesterday's incident.

Hinata - 1  
>Sasuke - 0<p>

...

If looks could kill then Hinata would most certainly be dead at the moment. Sasuke didn't know what was worse, the fact that he was wearing a gay shirt with girly freaks on it or the fact that he couldn't take it off. It made bile form in the pit of his stomach. Hinata had completely caught him off guard when she told him he wish he had one and then she had the complete and utter audacity to make it where he couldn't remove it. Not manually, not magically, not at all. He desperately wanted to burn it from his body, no matter how high the risk of himself getting burned was. The respect he had for her dwindled below zero at the moment and there was no way in hell that she would be gaining it back.

He'd hold this Rainbow Brite fiasco over her head for as long as he was her god-parent. And just how long would that be? _'A very, very long time',_ he thought miserably. He couldn't deny that the shirt wasn't comfortable. It was actually the softest thing he ever had the pleasure of 'poofing' on himself, but he'd never ever EVER admit to that. He just prayed to the higher gods that he didn't have to wear it all day or he'd die from terminal humiliation, frustration, and aggravation. She would pay for making him wear the shirt and to further prove this, he was going to go to this 'school' with her and make her life miserable.

As if on cue, the feeble-minded girl emerged from the restroom with her uniform wrinkle-free. One thing Sasuke noted about her was that she was lazy as hell. That innocent little aura that radiated off of her was mixed with lies and deceit. She didn't even iron that uniform she had on. She _wished_ it was wrinkle-free. Why in the hell was she making stupid wishes in the first place! Sasuke just wanted to rip his hair from his scalp or better yet, burn the shirt he was wearing.

"T-thank you, Sasuke," she said happily, grabbing her backpack and grabbing the knob to her bedroom door that lead downstairs.

"Shut up," he growled at her. "And just where do you think you're going?"

She turned towards him, those freaky white eyes glowing with confusion, and stuttered, "S-school." He almost had half a mind to curse her like a sailor, but he opted against it. Choosing instead to head for the next best thing. Sarcasm _with_ cursing. Oh yes, there was a difference.

"No shit Sherlock," he shot, his arms crossed. "I'm going with you."

"W-what!" she sputtered, her eyes as wide as dinner plates. "But you c-cant! What if someone s-sees you!"

He almost smirked at her reaction, "I'm not staying here all day that's for sure. Besides, didn't you say that your dad hates animals? Do I look like I'm ready to die the death of a cat?"

Sasuke - 1  
>Hinata - 1<p>

"B-but, but-"

"Can it," he said in a commanding tone. "Do you honestly believe I'd let those morons at your school see me? And here I was thinking you were smart, you lazy idiot."

"L-lazy?"

"Isn't that what I said? Jeez, you're like a tape recorder." Before she could say anything else, Sasuke gave her a dark look that read, "Want me to zip your lip shut again?" And so Hinata didn't say anything, her shoulders sagging as he waved his wand over his body (not without tapping his shirt for the 50th time that morning) until he 'poofed' out of existence. Staring around the room idly, she wondered where he went. Hinata opted to leave the room, but she wouldn't dare do that. She wouldn't hear the end of it if she left him wherever he was.

"Down here imbecile," he shouted. With squinted eyes, Hinata noticed that there was a white pencil on the floor with a blue eraser. Upon picking up the skinny object, she noticed that it was scowling. She almost, _almost_ dropped it. With an arrogant smirk, Sasuke said, "Now you don't have an excuse why you can't take me to this school with you." Little did Sasuke know just what he was getting himself into.

...

It all started in English Composition. Now one would think that people were smart enough to come to class _prepared_, but that obviously didn't apply to some students, namely Naruto Uzumaki (Hinata's crush). But before English, Sasuke _must_ start with the hallway's incident. Seeing as how it _was_ his first day in the dreaded institute of neanderthals, he quickly began labeling the people that his personal ingrate of a god-child associated with.

There was loudmouth banshee #2, Sakura Haruno. Pink hair (only in Japan, he noticed) and baby barf green eyes. She reeked with overly expensive perfume (did she bathe in that stuff or what) and sweet mother of fairies, he would never get over that pink hair! Good thing he'd never have the privilege of meeting her. She'd most definitely be on his most hated list and there was plenty of room to add on his most hated list right about now, Hinata taking the number one spot.

"Jeez, can't Pinky shut the hell up for five seconds?" Sasuke muttered darkly.

Sakura looked around, her jade eyes narrowing into dangerous slits. Hinata held a nervous smile on her face, simply because she knew exactly who it was who said that. Did Sasuke want a death wish or something? Apparently yes. Sakura spent the entire day trying to search for the mysterious character with the alluring voice. Hinata whispered to her backpack.

"P-please don't do that anymore."

Sasuke grumbled under his breath.

There was loudmouth, _gossiping_, banshee #3, Ino Yamanaka. Long blonde hair (typical hair color of girls) and mischievous turquoise eyes. She too reeked with perfume, but only hers smelled like a mixture of different flowers instead of crap. She talked and talked and talked and talked and goodness could she talk anymore! And as if Hinata made it any better. She would only sit and nod, laugh and smile to everything she had to say.

"Talk a mile a minute why don't you Blondy. I have nothing better to do!" Sasuke yelled, only to be elbowed by a nervous Hinata.

Ino gave the shy girl a confused look, "What was that?"

"N-nothing. J-just had an itch."

There was a fat ass who only seemed to be good at eating. He was like a human garbage disposal and don't forget fat. Goodness gracious he was fat! That was the only word Sasuke could use to describe him. Choji Akimichi was his name and boy was he fat. He had the audacity to ask Hinata could he borrow him (Sasuke) who was in disguise as a pencil. As if he'd let that fat guy and his greasy fingers touch him. Choji was scarred for life and Hinata refused to acknowledge that pencils could bite people. Let's assume that Choji stuck to using ink pens for the rest of his life.

"Not on your life fat ass," Sasuke shot once the boy scurried off to wash his bleeding finger. The talking pencil licked his lips. "Whatever he was eating tastes pretty good."

Hinata had to do everything in her power not to laugh in front of the class.

There was someone even lazier than Hinata! Shikamaru Nara, but there was nothing bad that Sasuke could associate the guy with. Yeah, he complained a hellavu lot, but he was sharper than a toothpick. That earned him some respect. Besides his horrid hairstyle (what guy wears ponytails anymore) that resembled one of his least favorite fruits, he was a pretty alright guy.

"He's definitely more tolerable than your other friends. Didn't realize that you hung out with a group of losers."

Hinata used his eraser (head) and completely ignored his screaming as she ran it across a blank page. That would teach him to insult her.

Hinata - 2  
>Sasuke - 1<p>

There was loudmouth banshee #4, Kiba Inuzuka. That guy didn't know when to shut his pie hole. He went on and on and on. He might as well have been born a female for all of that. That was all they were good for anyway. Talking your brain off until it turned to mush. And he was a _gossiper_! It disgusted him. He was a mutt, just like that creature he tried (and failed) to hide in his hoodie. Freakin' moron was what he was.

"If _this_ guy doesn't shut the _fuck_ up," Sasuke muttered under his breath.

"Who's the wise guy who said that?" Kiba barked rather loudly in the hall. "Sorry Hinata, but I'm gonna go find the asshole who said that."

"S-Sasuke," she pleaded for the fifth time that day. He only rolled his eyes.

"You were thinking the same thing." That...she couldn't argue with.

There was Shino Aburame. He reminded Sasuke of a cockroach. He was creepy as hell. He reminded Sasuke of one of those ghosts from a cheaply made horror film that just popped out of no where. And were those beetles crawling on his neck? Sasuke's respect for the obviously bug-obsessed freak disappeared.

"Disgusting." And creepy as hell.

And last but not least, there was the one guy he couldn't stand once his beady black little eyes landed on him. Loudmouth, _dumb-ass_, banshee #1, Naruto Uzumaki. The guy was a complete idiot. Just a big fat dummy. And he couldn't believe that Hinata, of all people, had a crush on such a...such a..._MORON_! She was smart for Pete's sake (or at least she was suppose to be). And to think, Sasuke was actually going to raise her cool points up a notch. But she just had to go and crush on the stupidest person at their neanderthal institute! Even though it was technically Sasuke's fault for forcing her to take him to their neanderthal institute, he was going to make her life a living hell for having a crush on such a dweeb!

But that wasn't what had Sasuke so riled up. Nooo. He had an inkling of a feeling that Hinata did it on purpose. Maybe it was to get back at him for cursing her out or forcing her to take him to school with her or suggesting that she burn that horrid Rainbow Brite shirt.

Well, he didn't know what it was. Nothing could be worse than wearing that God-awful Rainbow Brite shirt, but unfortunately there was. It all started in English Composition, when that stupid idiot didn't bring _ANY_ of his school supplies to class. What was the point of coming if you didn't come to learn? Well, Naruto was a walking-living-breathing-talking testament of what a school student shouldn't be and for that he hated Hinata ten times over.

"Hey, Hinata? You have an extra pencil I could borrow?"

Of _all_ the pencils Hinata could have given him, she just _HAD_ to give him Sasuke. No matter how many times she'd apologize, there was no way in heaven, hell, or earth he would forgive her.

Hinata - 3  
>Sasuke - 1<p>

With a stupid love-struck smile on her face, Hinata grabbed Sasuke (because she wasn't paying attention!) and handed him to Naruto. "H-here you go," she stuttered happily. If it weren't for the fact that Sasuke was a pencil he would have cursed her out in front of the whole class. But pencils can't talk. Neither can they bite, but Sasuke - even though something of the higher power told him _NOT_ to - bit Naruto in his thumb. Apparently that didn't work, because the blond didn't feel it. He must've had fingers of steel and barf, because the minute Sasuke bit down, he threw up. If it weren't for the fact that he'd be risking his banishment from using his powers, he'd 'poof' to his god-parent form and beat the living shit out of the blond.

Why Naruto failed to see a barfing pencil was beyond him, but all of that flew out of the window when Sasuke realized just where the idiot was taking him.

To a pencil sharpener.

If his screaming wasn't enough, he didn't know what was. Naruto apparently didn't hear him, his mouth whistling a broken tune. There was no way he'd let that...that..._human_ caveman, unorthodox douchebag, fucking imbecile shave him to death! And by the looks of it, he wasn't going to stop either. His point was already sharp! Just what the hell did he need to be sharpened some more for! As soon as Naruto stuffed Sasuke into the pencil sharpener, all hell broke loose.

Oh, Hinata Hyuuga was going to pay! And Sasuke was going to _fuck_ Naruto Uzumaki all the way up.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** It passed 3000 words anyway. :( I didn't want this chapter exceedingly long and I haven't forgotten about the wishes that some of you have made. That'll be in the next chapter so stay tune. Isn't Sasuke the worst? Lol. I had fun writing his character even though he was a little OOC. I can picture him cursing up a storm. Look forward to the next chapter.

I can't believe he called Hinata lazy. XD And he dogged all of Hinata's friends. I should have made him an eraser. I'm thinking a calculator in the next chapter. :) Favorite part, least favorite part? Let me know what you think! Thanks for reading!

**Edit:** So many grammar mistakes. I almost barfed re-reading this. D: Realized that Shikamaru and Shino deserved more description from our favorite male character!

~Tomatio


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